4 Things You Should Never Ever Do With Home Brewed Beer

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4 Things You Should Never Ever Do With Home Brewed Beer

Recently we’ve encountered several articles that give you amazing, interesting and alternate uses for Home Brewed Beer. These strange ideas suggest you do odd things with beer, other than drink it yourself or have your family, friends, loved ones and total strangers drink your beer. In the spirit of accurate reporting we urge you to read this special report and make up your own mind.

Here is a list some of these insane and dangerous ideas. We urge you to be on the look-out and if you see others using home made beer in these ways…report them immediately to the “Beer Monitors,” and Yes, it will go on their permanent record.

1. “Home Brewed Beer can be used as a Fire Extinguisher.” Oh my goodness, good golly Miss Molly, for heavens sake and, “Not on my watch.” The obvious solution to this terrible suggestion is, “Always, and at all times carry a full box of baking soda in your purse or back pocket.” As you well know baking soda is an excellent fire extinguisher. Home made beer is not to be used for this purpose unless a family member is on fire, then by all means, shake, pop-the-cap and, “Put them OUT!” We know several of you currently carry a box of baking soda with you at all times, to you we say, “Bravo,” it’s odd, yes, but you are a special person.

2. “Home made beer can be used in a marinade and is excellent for tenderizing meat.” The theory is that our preciously brewed beer is slightly acidic and will make meat softer. Here is our solution for that, “If you need SOFT meat, put it in the food processor, otherwise CHEW MORE.” Want a great meat tenderizer, go to the Food Channel (foodnetwork.com) enter “meat tenderizer” in the search box, guess what you get, “Meat Tenderizer” you then go buy it at your local supermarket. Using your precious home brewed beer to make meat soft is not just a travesty, it’s just dumb.

3. “Polish your dishes and pots and pans with beer.” You’ve got to be kidding me. Unless you’re one of those people who collect dryer lint to knit a sweater this is one of the strangest ideas ever. It comes from the old tradition of using the last few drops of beer in a barrel to polish the “copper” kettles that beer was brew in. Uh, hello, we have copper cleaner now. We don’t use Morse Code on the internet, Don’t polish your dishes with your very special home made beer.

4. “Use Beer to Massage Your Feet.” Oh, the humanity, Oh the utter foolishness. Put a bottle of your hand crafted, superb and wonderful tasting beer on the floor and run your feet over it, because your feet hurt? I think NOT. Need something cold to run your feet over, freeze a can of succotash (yep, supermarket again.) Never, ever run your feet over home brewed beer. Please understand, it’ not that we feel this is disrespectful, it’s just way too stupid and a can of succotash is like way cheaper.

We sincerely hope that you’ve found this de-bunking of the most terrible alternate uses of Home Brewed Beer enlightening. And yes, for those of you who are wondering, there are many other really goofy ideas out there on what to do with beer. What is our advice you ask? Honor it, treasure it, pay homage to it, but most importantly when you brew your own beer, drink it and enjoy it.

Here is our Public Service Message: Do not drink while driving! You’re liable to hit a bump and spill the whole darn thing! (Cheers to the Kingston Trio, yes that was before your time.)

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